This time last week I was beyond jealous. My beloved Bridesman Nigel May was in Tel Aviv for the Eurovision Song Contest without me. Much as I’ve loved a drop of Eurovision over the years (and I really have) I wasn’t bothered that he’d scored tickets for every semi-final and dress rehearsal on offer. I didn’t even mind him going to the final … until Madonna was booked to be the interval act.
I threw a jealous sulk because I’ve been a fan forever. I’ve been to every tour since Blonde Ambition, staked out Claridge’s Hotel to casually-as-you-do get in the same lift, and even had a Madonna-themed hen do, co-organised by Nigel and my mate Maddy (aka Madge btw.) I was the Virginal Bride Madonna (natch,) Madge was Borderline Madonna and Nigel was Music Madonna.
Every one of my guests – girls and gays – were Madonnas too. There was Material Girl Madonna, Desperately Seeking Madonna (11 of them), Erotica Madonna, A League of Their Own Madonna, American Life Madonna, I’m Breathless Madonna, Rescue Me pvc-clad Madonna, Papa Don’t Preach Madonna, Horsey Madonna and lots of Italians Do It Better Madonnas.
In recent years I’ve come to prefer classic Madge to modern Madonna – and that’s not down solely to her often questionable outfits and stage antics. Having said that, with promises of Like A Prayer, I felt it my duty to be home in time for her half-time stint in Tel Aviv. I kinda wish I hadn’t, for reasons plastered all over the internet. Mind you, if I was planning my wedding now, I’d still make sure she was on the playlist.
You see, I still forgive Madonna almost anything. Actually, my relationship with her reminds me of my first boyfriend. I fell totally in love, would forgive him everything (including crimes of fashion and bad behaviour) and never fully forgot him. When I was working on New Woman magazine, should a staffer be sad about anything, the Editor would say, ‘Well, what would Madonna do?’ Universally, we’d all say that if she were our best friend (and we all wished she was) she’d stick two, make that one finger up at whoever was upsetting us and get us drunk on tequila.
So shall we all agree to wipe Eurovision from our memories and continue to celebrate her former fabulousness? No hen do or wedding party is complete without a corker of a Madonna tune. Here’s my pick of swoon tunes and top toe tappers you may want to add to your playlist…
First Dance Madonna
Crazy For You
I want You
Live To Tell
Dancing with your mates Madonna
Into the Groove
Like A Virgin
Dress You Up
Deeper and Deeper
Ray of Light
Girl Gone Wild
Want more ladies? Look up my Spotify playlist celebrating all the best Madge tracks under the sun. It’s called Her Madgesty. Oh, and if you fancy a Madge-themed hen, send your pals a link to my Pinterest board for inspo. And no, her Eurovision get-up is not on there. Metal armour isn’t conducive to hard drinking…..
Disclaimer: I also love Simon Le Bon. Now that will make a lovely post…..